Okay so as quickly as I gained momentum, I lost it. Good thing my livliehood is not dependant on blogging, eh? I had every intention...but as this is my personal website, I think I edit myself to the point of absolute silence. Anyways, figured that I am severely overdue for an update here so here goes.

Well, 2013 is turning out to be challenging on every front...am not sure that I will be posting the sordid details here. Privacy...decorum...common sense...pick one. I am not picky personally.

In the end I can offer up the fact that I am attempting to take each day as it comes and hold on to what I can. Sometimes that is a whole lot of nothing and I manage to make it to the end of the day. I go to sleep hoping that the next will be different. The hours are dark and they creep by with molasses-like pace. How this glimmer of bright finds me just before I go to sleep is beyond my capacity of understanding, yet like clockwork, it happens. Just as the sun rises each day so does my glimmer. I suppose I should be thankful...I mean I am. I would be a fool not to, right? But I find I am resentful too. It taunts me with every happening even though it allows me to fall asleep.

I believe in the power of sleep...the ruling of the subconscious over the concious for a few fleeting hours to help us work through whatever it is we need to work through or embrace...forgive......remember. I sleep as much as I can hoping that it is helping me and will more quickly get me through this difficult period. As I look back on the last year and I see all that I accomplished...things of which I am proud, things others say that I should not be. I remember how fulfilled I had felt and how (dare I say it) happy I was. Yet all too quickly I find that I admonish myself for that which I was not able to overcome or complete. It is this polar contradiction within myself that is at the crux of the disquiet and it saddens me greatly.

I choose to believe that this is a period of growth and learning that I has either long been overdue or that has a greater lesson to learn that I have experienced before. I hope that I will learn what I need to and can again one day sooner than later be appreciative of the sun and the glimmer that keeps visiting me.